It’s finally hitting me. I’m getting married in 17 days and it’s coming fast. I am going to be a MARRIED woman longer than I would have ever been a single woman. I will be spending the next 60+ years with this person (God willing) and that’s hard to even comprehend right now. I already think I know Will well, but imagine what our relationship will look like after each season of life. After kids, family vacations, moving, new missions, grandchildren…. whoa, grandchildren.
Ok, maybe I’m crazy that this really, honestly hadn’t sunk in until this week. I’ve known in my mind that I’m getting married and I’ve been more excited than ever, but I haven’t really come to the reality of it in my heart until now. It’s a GREAT feeling. I love that I’m more sure about marrying Will than anything I’ve ever made a decision about in my life. There are no questions, no reserves, no doubts. Just pure love.
So, as I sit here today at my nanny job, I’m thinking about what the next 2 weeks will look like. Next Friday will be my last day at work and I’m really sad about that. It’s a little bitter sweet because I love these kids to death and am going to miss seeing their sweet faces. I spend 10 hours a day with them, and they almost feel like my own. Although it will be sad, it’s so exciting to take the next step in life. My marriage will not only signify the beginning of a great relationship with the man I love, but also the ending of a huge chapter in life. The life of independence; finding jobs, figuring out where to live and how much it costs, budgeting every single cent of my money, spending holidays at my parents, being a nanny, dating, etc. The last 21 years of my life are basically going to be behind me once I say “I do.” My new life is starting. I’m no longer independent… I will be sharing every aspect of my life with Will. We really will be one. We say it all the time that I feel like he is me, and he feels like I am him. I’m more of myself around him than I am around myself. Haha. That makes no sense.
So, I am a loon (yes) for finally seeing these things. Where have I been for the last 4 months? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve realized until the past week that I was even a bride. Now I’m just soaking up my last moments as a “Cushing” and breathing it all in. These moments don’t last, and before you know it, they’re gone. I’m enjoying this time… planning the wedding and getting more and more anxious.
I guess I just wanted to assure everyone that, no, I do not have cold feet. I know some of you may have been wondering by now… or at least had it slip your mind at some point. Ey? Don’t deny it. And for that, you should be ashamed of yourselves! Haha. Kidding.
But really, I become more confident about joining lives will William Robert every day.
Life is good. And it’s fun seeing it get better and better.